|
Sunday, 8 February 2004
WhAt A wIcKeD tHiNg To Do
"What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way. What a wicked thing to do to let me dream of you..."
So that's it. Now not only is my feeling bad about the man coming home, but I am assured of my negative feelings by him outwardly being a prick. I know why. It's because he kept ahold of me because he had nothing better to do. He's coming back here now where he'll be the height of popularity. Not like he is there. He knows this and now he doesn't need me anymore. He knows how I feel about him and he thinks that I'm gonna cause all this drama for him when he comes home. Whatever, I guess that proves he doesn't know me at all. I told him I get the point. I'm just not into wasting my time. The best I can do is move on and hope that he knows that the same girl he has talked to for the past almost year is the same girl he's gonna find here. I guess I can be that girl all I can, but it won't change the fact that he just doesn't want anything to do with me. He has been leading me on this whole time. He doesn't need me anymore so he's just gonna throw me away. That seems to be the way it always goes. This one that one, stayed around until they didn't need me anymore and then they were gone. Now all on to their great special lives as i sit here in limbo. Stagnating. I feel like I am backed into a corner that I cannot get out of. And I just can't do this much longer. I thought I would have a good day this one day soon, but as it turns out it's just gonna be like any other day. I'm just glad I have oteht things going on. At least I can seem unlike myself. I can look like I have a life and things to do. At least I will have a way to keep my mind off of things. Who knows, maybe an old flame is making another way around here. So HA! I have some tricks up my sleeve yet! I'll show him. Things are the way htey have always been. I guess he doesn't know I know the things I do. I know he doesn't really love me and he never did. He would have found a way to see me before now, he would have shown me that I meant something. After all this time he never has. Does he think I do not realize this? Does he really think me that ignorant? I guess I just wanted to go into this with an open mind and a small intention to see what would happpen if we were ever together again. I guess I won't even get that chance. I guess it's just time to stop sitting here analyzing everything and thinking about things all the time. It is just thought provoking and strange to me to see everything play out in front of me like this. To see the things I thought were one way change in front of me like this. This guy has been the center point of my conversation to no one here for so long. What will I write about now? lol I guess all is not lost. I have had a message from an old friend lately. He wants to hang out with me and I think I know why. I wonder what that's all about? I guess I might as well check it out.
Whenever I type here I always seem to question why. Why do I do this? Why do these things even matter. Is this really what other people do with blogs too? Is this really what this thing is for? This internal banter that constanly goes on in my head? Who cares? Hell I'm not even sure if I care. I guess it's better that no one has seen it. That I have no respones and that my pointless droning has been seen by no one. I think I'm just fine with that;)
Posted by thewonderlandpress
at 12:15 AM EST
View Latest Entries
|
