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Sunday, 4 January 2004
Sometimes I look back on my days and Ifeel dumb. LIke I've spoken too much, too loudly. I've been too stuipid, too ugly, too wrong. I thought about earlier how it doesn't really matter. I have been alone for so long and gotten so used to being alone that it realy doesn't matter to me at all what other people think. I have such little hope that someone will ever take the time to be my companion that I really don't pay attention to what others think of me besides pure observation. Although I do know that many a person has many a bad thing to think aboutme today. But once again I complain because I am tired of feeling this way. So disjointed, so detached. Watching him fall in love with my good friend. Doing all the things with her that I always wished he did with me. I remember clearly the new years eve we spent together. As the clock struck midnite all I wanted was a kiss from "my man" I thought it was important. I wanted him for just one minute to make me feel like I meant something to him. But that minute came and went and he ignored me. He acted like I wasnt; even there. And then this new years I watched him give that ever so important new year's kiss to none other than her. The one I thought was a friend but fouind out is only an aquaintance. Right now I just feel so alone and lost and scared. And once again all I can think is that if it weren't ffor my son I would not wake up tomarrow.
Posted by thewonderlandpress
at 5:57 PM EST
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